I swear if one more persons asks Mary if she knows I will personally greet them face on with the Holy Word…meaning I will smack them in the face with the Bible. Hard. Really, really hard. They will see the light!

Sigh…. I hate Xmas. Not the idea of it mind you but the commercialized, serialized, over-hyped, merchandising worshiping version of it. Yes Xmas, for I believe that much like Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and the acting of that Twillight chick (you know the one), Christmas is dead.

Died a long time ago actually. See, once upon a time maybe it was a big deal to call it Christmas. Name actually meant something as it was about the guy for whom the season was named… Christ. Then some dope in a fancy hat decided that His birth date was inconvenient for his plans of world conquest and domination. So he moved it to a better date, because the date that GOD chose for his Son to be born sucked apparently. That’s why He doesn’t wear the fancy hat.

Then along came a fat man in red suit and he decided that this day was a grand day to set up shop upon. Not like anyone else was using it. I mean, yeah the Christ guy technically was and/or is but to be fair JC was cool with keeping his birthday where it was… on the day of His ACTUAL birth. Fancy hat guy took issue with it and off to small claims court they went. Evidence was to the contrary of Mr. Fancy hat but he played the Jesus card and almost won the case until Fat Red Suit offered half off already low prices prompted the judges to stampede to the local over-bloated hype mart at piss awful hours in the morning.

And behold, the Fat Red Suit man looked over the multitude and saw that they were hungry. And he spake unto his elfish slave, “bring unto me grounds of coffee… no the cheap shit, that’s shit’s expensive and milk laced with chocolate…from last year and give unto them bread… Mold is the base of penicillin. It will protect them from the cold.” And behold it was so…

The case was dismissed and a bargain was struck. Fat Man and JC would share the holiday. In exchange Mr. Fancy Hat would get a new fancy hat at a ridiculously low rates and every year people will flock to in reverence as if he were Him himself.

I mean come on! Seriously! The guy KNOWINGLY drags Himself up a hill to get nailed on a cross just to go to Hell and chill (heh heh) with Lucifer for three days…THREE DAYS! Talk about a horrible roommate! I mean, the friggin the devil man! What kind of thing is that?! Only person WORSE would be Mel Gibson but that’s only if you’re anyone that’s not Mel Gibson. Hmmm… what if Mel were the devil’s roommate? I’d bet they would have a… HELL of a good time. Made a joke there. Heh. Amusing.

Look… the point is that Christ was NOT born on December 25 and fat guys sliding down chimneys exchanging presents for half baked cookies does not a Christian ideal make. Yet every year around this time some half assed talent is droning on about how Mary gave birth to the “King of Kings”, telling us the listener to go “tell it on the mountain” shouting “halleluah” as drummers bash out piss poor drunken renditions of Freebird for the new born baby because yeah, that’s EXACTLY what a new born and his mother, who just pushed out a living bowling ball of pus covered flesh want to hear… music school drop outs banging on drums. Way to be sensitive to the needs of others there pal (and you call yourself a Christian).

Christmas on the 25th was a propaganda move to force the pagans to give up their evil ways. In order to do this, the religious powers that be of that time stole the holiday from the heathens and slapped Jesus on it. Centuries later, the pagans got their revenge by stripping away the Jesus and promoting a fat man named Santa, the idea of which was based on a Saint! That’s called irony people!

Like I said, I love the idea of Xmas and for me that idea is expressing the love of family and friends to said family and friends. It’s a time to be reminded that yeah, its okay to share with your fellow man and acknowledge them as fellow human being. An argument could be made that smearing them on the hood of your SUV as you dash through the parking lot of the BLAH BlaH Blah shopping center is a fair demostration of the equality of man. After all, they do bleed as any other would bleed were they splattered on the windscreen buuuuuuuuuuuuuut I think that technically, TECHNICALLY it falls a more along the lines of attempted murder. Doesn’t quite fit the tone of the season.

Merry Christmas!!!!

SMILES!